From: jc@heaven.gov
To: g-d@heaven.gov
Date: 1 April 2003
Subj: Millenial visit

Dad,

This second millenial visit to Earth is even more instructive than the first. That one taught me an extra measure of humility (as you pointed out, I had gotten to think I was the humblest person that ever was). I admit that I was feeling a bit of pride in the wonderful cathedrals that were just starting to be built in honor of me, and I was sure that I'd go to see them. But you sent me to China, where nobody had even heard of me. But that's old news. Though I am still grateful.

As always, I've been so busy with spiritual matters that I haven't been keeping up with what's been happening below. You are right (as always) that this is good for me. Things have really changed; if I saw it gradually happen it would not have as much impact as just getting plopped down in the middle of things. You know, anybody can fly now or can make their voice heard on the other side of the world. Once you had to be an angel or better to do these tricks.

Love,

jc

From: jc@heaven.gov
To: g-d@heaven.gov
Date: 4 April 2003
Subj: Millenial visit

Dad,

I am beginning to understand why you insisted that I use email for communications. I didn't think anything could be more frustrating than trying to work with Roman bureaucrats, but computers are something else again. They combine Roman intransigence with Byzantine complexity and flavor the resulting mess with the arrogance of technical expertise. Did Satan have a hand in their design? Let me know.

The United States is as huge as China, and I will get to see only small portions of it. My middle-eastern appearance and accent are not well-accepted here these days. People look confused when I tell them that I am a Jew from Palestine, saying that you are either one or the other. And all the Holy Days (they call them holidays and treat them pretty cavalierly) are changed and celebrated differently. It was easier in China where the holidays I celebrate were not known at all, and they had their own set.

Love and hugs,

jc

From: jc@heaven.gov
To: g-d@heaven.gov
Date: 7 April 2003
Subj: Millenial visit

Dad,

I have been figuring things out. The descendants of my followers seem to have split into innumerable sects. They somehow think that they are not Jewish. I just wanted to be a rabbi, a teacher, to help my fellow Jews. Most of the churches, to my horror, are using the Roman torture stands as a symbol of their faith. I rather hated that device. Some use a fish, which is a bit better.

I wish that you'd let me perform a miracle or two so that I could create a passport and a credit card. I know that I asked for cash, which I thought would be easy to use for everything. I was a bit intimidated by the idea of learning to use a credit card, but ever try to get a one-way plane ticket with cash when you look and sound middle-eastern? When I tell them my name is "Jesus" some think that I am Mexican. Do I look Mexican?

I know, I know. You knew what was going to happen, and you wanted me to experience it first hand. You always want me to experience things personally. It can be painful (in more ways than one).

At least people haven't changed. They're the same old mix, no matter what faith they claim to believe in. Mostly, they don't stone people who don't believe in you, who are adulterers, and such, which is an improvement in group behavior. A lot of the world no longer kills convicted criminals, another good bit of progress, but this country still does. It is also very warlike. I will have to start preaching.

With love, your son,

jc

From: jc@heaven.gov
To: g-d@heaven.gov
Date: 11 April 2003
Subj: Millenial visit

Dad,

Universal indoor plumbing is a hoot. A few of the Romans had it, the Chinese didn't, but even the least house here has it. And air conditioning! I didn't even know enough to wish for it when I lived in the middle east. Changing the weather was your game, but to just change it indoors would have been within my powers, I think. Amazing how much there is to be learned; I just assumed it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and that was that (except you could build a fire in winter).

I've read about my life in the Christian sects' addition to the Bible. Not a word about my beloved Mirasha, in fact, that whole period of my life is missing. Some nights she and I could have used air conditioning! Most of the rest is quite strange, hairballs of fiction woven around the barest thread of fact. Some parts make a pretty good story, though. The words they put in my mouth!

Now that there are airplanes, I felt it would be OK to travel back to visit my old haunts. You sent me here but didn't say that I couldn't travel. I bought a ticket at the airport but with no baggage, a beard, no credit card, no fixed address, and no passport, I didn't get far. I was interrogated by the FBI for eight hours. It's actually illegal for me to leave the country. Even the Romans would let you walk out of their territory.

When I said that I was a preacher, they asked where I had graduated from. It's a good thing that I don't have to sleep if I don't want to. One of them asked "Don't you ever get tired? What are you on?" I answered "No" and "A chair". He called me a "wise guy" which is pretty close to what I used to be called. But he meant something quite different.

They didn't refund the price of the ticket, by the way, even though they wouldn't let me fly. There's a lot of dubious ethics around.

But you know all this. I wonder why you ask me to email you as you know what the email is going to say. I'm sure you have some inscrutable reason as usual.

From earth, much love,

jc